Anxiety is normal, but experiencing it every day is not. As a result, you would do everything to counter the symptoms, even if turning to drugs is one of them.
I am Harvey, a man in my 30s. I have been a shy person ever since I was a kid. My parents and I thought that my shyness would go away when I grow older. Unfortunately, we were wrong.
My Troubles as a Person With Social Anxiety Disorder
I was 13 years old when I knew that there was something wrong with me. I thought that I was just an extremely shy person. However, unlike the normal kind of shyness, I felt that mine was worse. I could not go into the cafeteria to eat. I could not even go to the school’s restroom to do my own business whenever I felt that there were a lot of people inside.
My heart pounds whenever I have to be in a social situation. I stutter whenever I have to work with my group in the lab or physical education class. I felt that I was dying from nervousness whenever my teacher asked me to recite in front of the class.
For those reasons, I was always being bullied as a kid. This made my conditions worse. Also, I chose to be homeschooled for most of my years in high school.
But, school was not just a problem for me. I also found myself withdrawing from social gatherings like family reunions, birthdays, and more. I felt that I was missing a lot. Even my old friends were starting to get distant because of my intense shyness.
I knew that I needed to do something to deal with this “shyness.” That was the time when I turned to opiates.
My Opium Addiction
Even though I was a shy person, I have made a few friends. Unlike the others, these friends were kind and unprejudiced. One of these people was John (not his real name to respect his identity). He was the one who introduced me to opium, particularly OxyContin.
I knew that using drugs would not do you any good. But, what could a timid person like me do? I wanted to have a life, to make friends, and to have a family someday. I did not want my life to be inside a shell forever. So, I decided to try OxyContin.
You know what? It worked!
I felt that my life was perfect during my first use of opium. I felt confident and complete. It was amazing that a single pill could make your social troubles go away. But, little did I know, that was just the start of more troubles waiting ahead of me.
I had become dependent on opium. I felt that I needed to take a pill every time that I had to go anywhere, including going to school. It meant that I had to take it almost every day. For this reason, little by little, I started to become addicted to it.
My addiction became worse. The pill that I thought would help me solve my social problems was now causing me to so much trouble. I became moody, shaky, and drowsy from time to time. Still, my body and mind were always looking for a poppy.
It affected me negatively not just in my social life, but also in my career and financial situation.
Opium Detoxification and Social Anxiety Meds
I was thankful that my family did not quit on me when I was suffering from the negative effects of opium. They helped by sending me to a detoxification facility.
The detoxification was successful in a way that my physical health went back to normal. However, my mind was still yearning for more opium.
It was also during this time when I was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder. The doctor prescribed some meds like Benzodiazepines, Xanax, and Phenibut. The doctor also suggested that I should undergo a cognitive therapy.
I have always been a skeptic person. Before using anything, I always make sure that I have done a good research with it. So, I researched these medications and I have learned that these meds are not only addictive, but they might also have fatal withdrawal side effects.
Due to this discovery, I was hesitant to take them anymore. However, I thought that these meds were still better than taking opium. So I tried them.
However, I felt terrible in taking the medication. Yes, the Phenibut was successful in making me feel ease during social situations, but it gave me a headache and nausea whenever I took it. I also felt that I had difficulty concentrating when I take Benzodiazepines and Xanax. This was a great drawback for my work as a programmer.
So, I decided to quit on them.
Returning to Opium
As I stated before, yes, I was physically-free from opium withdrawal side effects, but my mind was still looking for it. Therefore, I decided I would take “just a few of it” so as to help in easing my tensions.
I told myself, “I swear. I will take it for only once a week and no more.” However, that once a week became twice, thrice, until it became every day. I realized that my world was starting to crumble again.
So, I told myself that I had to do something. I do not want to experience the pain of opium withdrawal again.
My First Experience With Kratom
Nobody could help me with my problems about opium withdrawal, so I turned to the Internet for help. I researched about almost anything that can help opium withdrawal. I read about marijuana, supplements, and the like. What grabbed my attention the most was Kratom.
I read about its origin, benefits, and side effects. What amazed me the most is its ability to give you the feeling of being high similar to an opiate with almost no side effects. What makes it even more appealing to me was that it seemed like the herbs used by Malaysians for thousands of years to treat various diseases.
I read that the only adverse side effects appear when you use it along with other medications or when you buy the contaminated product from a seller.
For this reason, I decided to try and get a sample from a seller with many positive reviews. I also made sure that I could see the plant dried, and not in the form of capsule or powder.
After a few days, I received my sample of 10g of White Vein Kratom. Before going to work, I took just 2 grams of it and made some tea. I read that it is better to start with less since consuming a lot on your first try can make you feel drowsy.
To make sure, I decided not to drive my way to work because I did not know how this 2g of Kratom could affect me. But on my way, about 10 minutes after the intake, I felt jollier, cheery, and confident. I felt like I wanted to greet everyone around me.
When I came to work, my social interactions went smoothly. Moreover, I felt that my cravings for opium went away at that time, and this was a miracle! Since then, I thought that Kratom was really effective and that it is a better substitute than opium.
My Kratom Experiment
For that reason, I decided to try the other Kratom varieties. I tried the Red Vein Indo, Red Bali Kratom, Maeng Da, and the Green Vein Kali. For me, the one that gives the most benefits is the Green Vein Kali. I feel that my social tensions and anxieties go away just by taking 2 grams of it every day.
From the day that I discovered the amazing benefits of Kratom, just 2g of Kratom per day has already been enough for me to face my social fears. Also, it helped me to compensate for my opium cravings. In fact, I do not feel the negative effects of opium withdrawal at all.
Moreover, when I am in pain, like whenever I experience migraines or arthritis attacks, I will just increase the dosage for up to 5 g and the pain will go away.
For this reason, I thank God for Kratom.